The Tragicall History of Romiet and Isilea
by Mint Chips
Summary: Crossover of "Lord of the Rings" and "Romeo and Juliet". R+J is something that I hate very much, so, with the help of my fellow Romeo-hater friend "Tybylas", she's penned a piece about it and I've published it...


The Tragicall History of Romiet and Isilea  
  
By Hope Sisley  
  
Romiet: a dwarf  
  
Isilea: an elf  
  
Frocutio: a hobbit  
  
Tybylas: a cousin to Isilea  
  
Lord Edel: a member of the Elfin High Council  
  
Prologue:  
  
Two races, both alike in dignity  
  
In Middle Earth, where we lay our scene,  
  
The noble elves, skilled in ancient arts  
  
Masterful archers, ruled the forests serene  
  
And far below the ground, there dwelt the great dwarves,  
  
Adept with minerals, metals, and mines.  
  
From forth these two came an ill-fated pair  
  
Around whom a web of intrigue entwines.  
  
The fearful passage of their death-marked love  
  
And the continuance of their people's rage,  
  
The story of Thori and his fair Mawin,  
  
Is now the two hours traffic of our stage  
  
Oh wait---I seem to have got something wrong  
  
But they're kicking me off, so farewell, and so long!  
  
Act I, Scene I:  
  
Enter Frocutio and Romiet  
  
Romiet: "I say, Frocutio, will you tell me about that ring of yours again?"  
  
Frocutio: "But I just finished telling you!"  
  
Romiet: "That was only the sixth time…"  
  
Frocutio: "Seventh."  
  
Romiet: "So!? I want to hear it again!"  
  
Frocutio: (sighs) "Oh, all right…  
  
(sings) A long time ago when the Earth was young,  
  
Sauron the Dark Lord up he sprung  
  
He was the evilest evil thing---  
  
And then he decided to make a ring.  
  
The ring gave him power whenever he wore it  
  
But then he lost it so now he's looking for it."  
  
Romiet: "And now you have it."  
  
Frocutio: "Yes, I do. Lord Edel…"  
  
Romiet: "That lousy elf…"  
  
Frocutio: "…he's entrusted it to me. Uncle Escabo said the ring makes the wearer invisible."  
  
Romiet: "Can I see?"  
  
Frocutio: "No. It's not safe."  
  
Romiet: "Please?"  
  
Frocutio: "No!"  
  
Romiet: "Well, at least sing the song."  
  
Frocutio: "I already sang the song."  
  
Romiet: "The other song."  
  
Frocutio: "What other song?"  
  
Romiet: "You know…'One ring to bind them all', or something like that. I like that song."  
  
Frocutio: "Oh no…Not that song!"  
  
Romiet: "Please?"  
  
Frocutio: "But…but…it'll be stuck in my head for days!"  
  
Romiet: "Please!?"  
  
Frocutio: "But…"  
  
Romiet: "I promise if you sing it just this once I'll never ask you to sing again."  
  
Frocutio: Very well…(sings) One ring to bind them all,  
  
One ring to find them,  
  
One ring to bring them all  
  
And in the darkness bind them."  
  
Romiet: (claps) "Bravo! Bravo!"  
  
Enter Tybylas and Isilea  
  
Frocutio: "By my head, here come some elves!"  
  
Romiet: "By my heel, I care not."  
  
Exeunt. Romiet  
  
Frocutio: "Wait! Romiet!"  
  
Tybylas: "Oh, hello, Frocutio. What news?"  
  
Frocutio: "The ring is safe."  
  
Tybylas: "Well, I should hope so. Lord Edel…"  
  
Frocutio: "…Entrusted it to my protection. I know."  
  
Tybylas: "Of course. Let me introduce my cousin, Isilea."  
  
Frocutio: (bows): "A pleasure, my lady."  
  
Isilea: "Who was that man you were talking to?"  
  
Frocutio: "What man?"  
  
Isilea: "The one with the beard…"  
  
Frocutio: "Oh, that was just…"  
  
Tybylas: "…A dwarf. Nothing that would concern you, coz. Now, Frocutio, there are some very important issues I must discuss with you."  
  
Isilea: "What issues?"  
  
Tybylas: "Nothing that would concern you."  
  
Isilea: "Oh…"  
  
Exeunt. Isilea  
  
Frocutio: "What do you want, Tybylas?"  
  
Tybylas: "Look, Frocutio, I understand that you are a hobbit and hobbits are neutral, but I also know that you are a non-hobbit-ish hobbit."  
  
Frocutio: "Non-hobbit-ish?"  
  
Tybylas: "What I mean is, my uncle made a serious mistake in trusting you."  
  
Frocutio: "I don't understand…"  
  
Tybylas: "Look here, hobbit, I saw you talking to that dwarf. You're planning something."  
  
Frocutio: "I don't know what you're talking about."  
  
Tybylas: "I'm sure you don't. Now give me the ring."  
  
Frocutio: "Why?"  
  
Tybylas: "Because I should be the one carrying it, and I don't trust you, hobbit or not. Hand it over."  
  
Frocutio: "No!"  
  
Tybylas: "I'm warning you, hobbit…"  
  
Enter Isilea  
  
Isilea: "Hello!"  
  
Tybylas: "Well, Frocutio, it was nice talking to you…(quieter voice)…You got lucky this time, hobbit. But I will have that ring if…"  
  
Isilea: "Cousin, will you take me out to go shopping?"  
  
Tybylas: "Of course."  
  
Exeunt. Tybylas with Isilea, casting a nasty glare at Frocutio  
  
Frocutio: (fingers ring) "I see bad things arising from this…"  
  
Exeunt. Frocutio  
  
Act II, Scene II:  
  
Isilea: "Romiet, Romiet, where the heck are you, Romiet!?"  
  
Romiet: "Here I am, Isilea, your love, Romiet!"  
  
Isilea: "What!? STALKER!!!" (throws brick)  
  
Romiet: "OW!! (rubs head) What, my dear maiden? (sings)  
  
Smash the cups and crack the plates  
  
That's what Isilea hates!"  
  
Isilea: "Oh, sorry my love, I thought you were a dwarf."  
  
Romiet: "But I am a dwarf."  
  
Isilea: "Oh, are you? (sings)  
  
Romiet, my only love  
  
Sprung from my that ugly race  
  
Oh my poor Romiet!  
  
Would that I could slap your face!  
  
Romiet: "Oh, Isilea, you're soo romantic."  
  
Isilea: "I know."  
  
Romiet: (climbs balcony, falls) "OW! Let's try that again." (climbs balcony again)  
  
Isilea: "Oh, Romiet, I'm so glad you're here. But if the guards find you, they'll kill you! Our races are not friends!"  
  
Romiet: "I don't care! We dwarves have the ears of a fox and the eyes of a hawk."  
  
Enter Frocutio  
  
Frocutio: "Romiet! Romiet!"  
  
Romiet (ignores Frocutio): "Yes, Isilea, please accept this token of my affection (gives Isilea the ring)."  
  
Frocutio: "Romiet! You can't do that! That's MY ring!" (sings)  
  
One ring to rule them all  
  
One ring to find them  
  
One ring to bring them all  
  
And in the darkness bind them.  
  
Romiet (still ignoring Frocutio): "It will make you invisible…"  
  
Isilea: "Romiet! Your friend Frocutio said that I can't have it! Didn't you hear him?"  
  
Romiet: "What?"  
  
Isilea: "Frocutio!"  
  
Romiet: "What about Frocutio?"  
  
Isilea: "He's down there."  
  
Romiet: "I don't see him…"  
  
Enter Tybylas  
  
Tybylas: "Isilea, Uncle Elrond wants…HEY! Who are you!?"  
  
Romiet: "Huh?"  
  
Tybylas (draws sword): "YOU!!! Vile dwarf, how dare you!! Breaking and entering is a felony, you know!!"  
  
Romiet: "What? No, wait, you can't do this!"  
  
Tybylas: "Well, what are you waiting for?"  
  
Romiet (hops over balcony, falling flat on face, gets up again on balcony): "I love more than thee can devise! So you see, we must be friends!"  
  
Tybylas (backs away): "O—kaay… Uh, yeah… Stay away from me!"  
  
Romiet (advances): "But, but, my dear elf-friend, why do you move away?"  
  
Frocutio (hops onto balcony): "Give me the ring!"  
  
Romiet: "Huh? Frocutio…(walks backward, falls off balcony)…AAAAAHHHH!!!!"  
  
Tybylas: "Go hide somewhere, Isilea."  
  
Exeunt. Isilea  
  
Frocutio (draws sword): "You killed Romiet!!"  
  
Tybylas: "What!? I didn't kill him, you did!"  
  
Frocutio: "Liar!"  
  
Tybylas: "My fight is not with you!"  
  
Frocutio: "Tough."  
  
They fight. Enter Romiet again, hopping back on the balcony.  
  
Romiet: "Never fear, Romiet is here!"  
  
Frocutio: "What? (turns around, distracted) I thought you were dead!"  
  
Tybylas stabs Frocutio.  
  
Frocutio: "AAAHHH!!! I am slain!!!….But it's just a scratch."  
  
Romiet: "Gee, Frocutio, you're bleeding an awful lot…Are you sure you're okay?"  
  
Frocutio: "Sure! I'm (gasp) fine! (gasp) (Frocutio collapses) A plague on both your houses!"  
  
Enter Isilea, running and kneeling down by Frocutio's side.  
  
Isilea: "Oh, Frocutio, my only love, are can't die! No!!"  
  
Frocutio: "I won't (gasp) die (cough). I'll be (choke) just (hack) fine (gasp)." (dies)  
  
Isilea: "NNNOOOOOOOOO!!!! (turns to Tybylas and Romiet) YOU!! You two killed my husband!!"  
  
Romiet: "Husband!? But…but what about me!?"  
  
Tybylas: "I'll just, um, leave now…"  
  
Exeunt. Tybylas.  
  
Romiet: "But, lambikins, you're my only love!"  
  
Isilea: "I just wanted the rings (draws sword, kills Romiet)."  
  
Romiet: (gasp) "Noooooooo!! I (cough) love…you (choke)." (dies)  
  
Isilea (grabs ring): "Hahaha!! Oh, wait, what have I done!? (throws self from balcony)"  
  
The End 


End file.
